Reconciliation...

If you were in church on Sunday, or you follow me via twitter, then you know that my dad came to NC last weekend. You are probably also aware of the fact that we have spent the last 5 1/2 years completely estranged from one another. It is far too complex to get into now, but suffice it to say it has been very difficult and painful for many people on both sides.

Several months ago my sweet and beloved grandmother passed away. (My dad's mother) At the funeral, the Holy Spirit moved mightily and as a result, hard and seemingly impenetrable walls, which had been constructed over the course of five years came crashing down and the result was firsthand reconciliation. That reconciliation continues to unfold as my dad and his wife stayed in our home this past weekend. We celebrated a late Christmas and everyone enjoyed the time together, including my children.

Since this is so fresh, I thought I would offer some reflections on the beauty and power of authentic reconciliation. It has become increasingly clear to me is that almost everyone has someone with whom they need to be reconciled. I have been blow away at the number of people who have thanked me for sharing so openly the past few years. People are finding hope in their own situations. Maybe these reflections will help, as well:

• God wants reconciliation far more than we do. I think of Paul's words in II Corinthians 5 - "So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he/she is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation..." (2 Corinthians 5:16 - 18) Granted, this is about ultimate reconciliation with God but it is clear in this passage and throughout Scripture that our God is a God of reconciliation and desires for us to do the same!
• Pride destroys the potential of reconciliation. If you are pursuing reconciliation with a loved one, check your pride/ego at the door and humble yourself. James 4:10 says, "Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will lift you up."
• God's timing is everything. For the last 20 years I have wanted my mother to come to know Christ. For the last 5 1/2 years, I have desperately wanted to have a relationship with my dad. In the course of the last nine months, God took care of both! Isn't that just like God?! As the African-American tradition is fond of saying, "God is never early... God is never late... but God is always on time!"
• By and large, both people are almost always at fault. People think because I am a pastor that I must have handled this situation perfectly. I hate to disappoint but nothing can be further from the truth. Part of my journey through this process has been owning my own junk and coming to terms with the fact that I have played a significant role in the brokenness with my dad. It has been quite cleansing and edifying, not to mention humbling and painful.
• During initial stages of reconciliation, slow and easy feels like the best approach. After spending 5 1/2 years not talking to a loved one, patience is key to rebuilding trust, vulnerability, and communication skills. Interestingly enough, as my father was driving to North Carolina on Friday, his dad (my granddaddy) had a mild stroke. As such, dad only stayed through Saturday afternoon instead of through Sunday evening. At first, we were all disappointed, On second thought, however, I think it was God's way of helping us navigate the reconciliation road slow and easy. ( Please pray for my granddad as he continues trying to live without his beloved wife of 60+ years)
• A child's relationship with his dad is paramount. PERIOD! Again, I have been blown away by the number of people who hear my story and share their pain and hurt. I have found that the overwhelming majority of immediate family brokenness is connected to a child's relationship with his/her dad. This should teach us to things: 1.) If you are a dad, never under estimate the significance of your role in the life of your child(ren) 2.) And if you are a child needing a reconciliation with your dad, here is a powerful verse to claim, "And He will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord." (Luke 1:17)

For those of you needing reconciliation, I pray that God will go before you and that your hearts be joined to your loved ones and prepared for the coming of the Lord!

Peace and much love...